Honesty

Honesty
by Jourdan Cameron

You've stood beside me for countless years,
Resolute and upright throughout the seasons.
We knew well the laughs between siblings,
So few have been the flowing tears,
the cutting words,
so little pain.
We were freer,
We hadn't worries or blinding fears,
We could speak and smile and share important things,
There weren't any of the hurtful reasons,
Just the little childish tussle here and there.

Time and seasons took their toll,
Into densest darkness I had to fall.
Death gripped and crushed slowly, and I quit struggling.
Shout of salvation came by the siren's call,
Upon breaking death's grip I was free,
Yet I continued to fall.
Going nowhere.
Merely existing as a passenger,
I could only roam the hall.

My limbs were numbed by Death,
and as I made my perilous crawl,
a thousand hands I shook that lay just beyond the wall.
As feeling slowly returned, all seemed good, all seemed well,
for a little while, all was as there was no fall.

One day, I couldn't feel you at my side.
What happened? Did I scare you?
Had you purpose to hide?
For some reason,
You flew.
More than a season,
I hadn't a place to confide,
Where did you go? Was our bond true?
I wish I knew that you had died.

Those kids we knew are dead- they simply had to depart,
their ashes to the wind, they live only in your heart.
The siblings I spoke of are no longer walking,
They're children gone forever,
Their phantoms now remain,
One was once wholly insane,
That one pursued the other,
Though it could be caught never.
Eventually, it became a new child, and among the rest took up walking,
Its newborn heart was dulled by stalking, and to insult injury was missing a vital part!
On a dark day, though, it was once more made whole.

This new boy, sprung from the ashes of the old,
still sees the phantom- it seems distant, lonely, cold-
he cannot grasp it.
The boy still misses his dear dead friend,
but he recognizes what is now a dead end,
he looks away from it.
From day to day, he bears regrets about the things he wishes he had told,
he still holds out some hope that one day, the phantom will materialize and make a decision bold,
but it's only a hope that could die.

Sometimes the boy wonders if what he believed was true-
that if you try hard enough, you can bring a person back.
Hard as he's tried, those children are still dead,
the phantom still intangible,
and all the memories fled.
Sometimes, the boy wonders if his sibling was honest,
that maybe, just maybe, the boy failed some unspoken test,
but time and again, he knew that he'd intentionally overlooked the pivotal clue.

Today to this fact he can attest:
Where there is no closure, there is no rest.
When the daylight fades and the shadows grow long,
somebody needs to state what's right and wrong.
You need not worry for the boy-
Death keeps at a distance,
he has new siblings,
they share valuable things.
In these, the boy found his healing.
At long last, he can walk down the hall,
he can shake the hand with feeling,
he can stand tall.

You might see me one day, as I occasionally visit the graveyard,
I know that what I once was is buried there, slaughtered by a time too hard,
I can only look on and smile.
Buried together are those two siblings, each one at the others side.
Those dead can feel nothing at all,
I know this quite well.
Yet somewhere deep within,
I can hear them- to each other they call.

Truth be told, their bond was honest,
It stood simply to spite every trial and test,
I can now only hope and wait and see,
whether the frozen phantom will ever break free.
The chains are swift growing icy.
Whether or not it occurs, I'm still happy, for I am free.
My heart is whole, I've got friends, you see.
Where my soul could only take up lodging as a guest,
it has found a peaceful home in which to rest.
Trees will drown their golden crowns,
the bitter winter wind will weep and howl,
yet against it all is the unbridled heart,
the drumbeat of a glorious start.

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To my readers: Apologies for taking so long with the next chapter of Paxcatia, it'll be here soon. Meanwhile, enjoy the lengthy poetry!